How Long has the Gorbals Goebbels Got?

I sincerely hope Ian Taylor's company Vitol got good value for money for the $1M dollars he paid Serbian war criminal Arkan, because Taylor must be despairing for the £500,000 he donated to Better Together, the self-styled Project Fear.

It's now nearly 2 weeks since Alistair Darling, Better Together chairman, had yet another relaunch promising to enunciate the positive case for the Union. However, not only was his thunder stolen by the MoD revealing plans to annexe Faslane / Coulport, but the promised positive relaunch turned out to be the same old collection of scare stories gathered together in probably the most mind-numbingly boring document produced in the independence referendum campaign so far.

Probably hoping to draw attention away from the fact that his more usual fare is getting paid £10,000 to speak at dinners for healthcare privatisation companies, Darling was keen to promote his 'Patriotic Scot' image and be photographed with a packet of porage: 

It might have been rather more convincing had the packet actually been opened. In any event, I doubt he appreciated the hatchet job that accompanied the photo in The Observer's piece by Kevin McKenna: Scottish Nationalists can rest easy, given the opposition.

However, Alistair is singularly safe in his Chairmanship. He is, after all, the only Labour has-been (ever was?) keen to be seen sucking up to the Tories.  It is also handy that his successor as UK Chancellor, George Osborne, is the real head of Better Together.  The rest have hived off into United with Labour which, after its launch, seems to have disappeared. It's probably hiding under the same rock Johann Lamont has been hiding under since the Falkirk Labour Candidate selection crisis reared its head.

No, with Better Together / Project Fear now being wholeheartedly derided by Dependents as well as Independents, the jacket of the Chief Executive Blair McDougall, the Gorbals Goebbels, must be on an extremely shooglie peg.

For over a month now it has been more than apparent that the Project Fear strategy has been received by the Scottish public rather more like Carry on Screaming, and McDougall's passing resemblance to the comedy horror character Oddbod doesn't help.  Even as late as yesterday, his whole energy was spent making a mountain which only the terminally obtuse could possibly have made from Alex Salmond's analogous likening of £1.5Tn to £300,000 for every person in Scotland in an attempt to make such an infeasibly large number understandable.  To erect that analogy into a Straw Man 'pledge' to give every Scot £300,000 shows that there's not a positive bone in McDougall's body.

We also got an insight into the internal workings of Project Fear with their launch video for Blether [sic] Together.  Standing for the moment that their 'grassroots' campaign has a national regional organiser (sounds more astroturf than grassroots to me), we got to meet the man himself, only to find that Rob Murray has all the charisma of a second rate Betterware salesman. 

How long will the Better Together / Project Fear Tory donors put up with their money being squandered on second rate Labour hacks: One trick dead ponies like McDougall and Murray?  Not long, I think. Especially as their one trick is now not only not working, but has become comedy gold.  

Perhaps I was being unfair in calling McDougall the Gorbals Goebbels. Unfair to Dr Goebbels, that is. Goebbels could deploy subtlety in the propagandist's art. McDougall doesn't even know what the word means.

Addendum 18:30 24/07/13

It appears that I may have struck a nerve. Blair McDougall seems to be having a touch of the Calmans.

Carry on Screaming in Your Own Home.

Better Together, the gift that just keeps on giving, have launched Blether Together: A computer tool that gives their activists access to lists of telephone numbers to call from home.

After all, Scots just love nuisance phone calls, don't we? Just imagine the joy of coming home after a long day at work and getting a call full of scaremongering from some spotty Tory Boy teenager or better still, you might get one of the stars - imagine the opportunity of discussing wee dugs and sausage rolls with Wee Ryan himself, or how voting No will make life better for Donald's ancestors?

Just imagine the unbridled joy of some confused CyberBore like Duncan Hothersall, George Laird (a real humdinger!) or Mulder1981 giving you a call with some scare stories as you're trying to make the tea.

Not for the first time, in their patronising attempts to appear hamely and Scottish, they've screwed up yet again.  They think blether just means chat.  The dictionaries (and most Scots) would tend to differ.  At least we're now seeing some honesty from Better Together.

blether [ˈblɛðə]

vb & n

Scot a variant spelling of blather

[from Old Norse blathra, from blathr nonsense]

blath•er (ˈblæð ər) 
n.

1. foolish, voluble talk.

v.i.

2. to talk foolishly; blither; babble.

No, Mr Bond. I expect you to die.

The Mistress of the Singing Universe, SuBo has had her hand declared for Unionism. The unlikely Bond villain, who first came to world prominence in a gold dress given to her by her uncle Auric Goldfinger, gave an interview to The Sun while she stroked her white pussy.

Economists have been scratching their heads since her intervention, trying to work out what dastardly scheme her uncle has up his sleeve, since the economically challenged chanteuse said:

"Many people are struggling to make ends meet — how will they cope if prices escalate because of this change?”

Runaway inflation is a new independence threat, not even uttered by the evil Project Fear up to now. Her uncle famously once before tried but failed to cause runaway inflation in the price of gold with the aid of a stolen nuclear weapon. Why he should pick on Scotland this time is as yet unknown.

Economists and linguists worldwide are still trying to work out what this threat even means:

“Economically, the costs of change will be vast and money that should be directed into important areas like hospitals, schools and the vulnerable in society will be swallowed by bureaucracy." 

"M" has placed the British Army on the highest alert state after she threatened:

“Then there’s the question of the military — what will become of the regiments?"

Geologists initially dismissed her backhanded threat: "I strongly believe Scotland should remain part of Britain." The best scientific minds were all certain that Mainland Scotland would remain the Northern third of the Island of Britain for at least 300 million years. However she soon wiped the smile off their faces. On hearing that the First Minister's favourite malt was the Isle of Jura, she decided to demonstrate her power by wiping it from the face of the earth.

First Minister Alec Salmond is considering resigning after this terrifying intervention and it is understood that Sir Sean Connery has gone into hiding. Reluctant Cybernats all over the internet are calling for the independence referendum to be cancelled after the intervention of the powerful intellectual giant.  Reverend Stuart Campbell of Wings over Scotland called for calm, fearing some abusive Cybernat may rile her into destroying Skye. Duggy Dug has been silenced as he fears for Islay.