Not The BBC Scotland 2015 News Quiz

Have you been paying attention in 2015? Try your luck with the Not the BBC Scotland News Quiz.

1. How many SNP MPs have actually been questioned by police following mahoosive media "scandals" since the election?

• A. Two.
• B. None.
• C. None but SNPBad anyway.

2.  A new hospital built with public funds rather than your grandchildrens' indentured PFI servitude opened in Glasgow. What is it called?

• A. The New Southern General.
• B. The Sweaty Betty.
• C. Her Britannic Majesty Queen Elizabeth's Infirmary Gawd Bless 'Er But Did Ye Ken Folk Have Died in It? Whit! Folk Have Died in a Hospital? Unprecedented! SNPBad. The Knighthood's In The Post.

3.  The SNP won 56 out of 59 seats in the UK General Election. This means Scotland is:

• A. A representative democracy.
• B. A sort of representative democracy but wi' cask-strength hingers oan like the Baron Foulkes of Glenfiddich.
• C. A one party state akin to North Korea. SNPBad

4.  The top political blog in Scotland is:

• A. D****k The Unmentionable Bat***n.
• B. W***s over S*******d (which doesn't really exist).
• C. LabourHame. SNPBad.

5.  A Truss End Link failed on the Forth Road Bridge causing its closure in December. This was because?

• The bridge is old and carries much more than its design capacity.
• The Labour-led FETA (and subsequently Transport Scotland) delayed maintenance which would close the bridge until the new bridge opens but other bits of Labour opposed the new bridge being built at all.
• SNP MPs had a ceilidh on the bridge and bust it. SNP Bad.

How did you get on?

All As? - Null points but you're basically a sound North Briton and a jolly good egg, if a bit thick.

All Bs? 5/10 You're obviously bright but your critical faculties have been damaged by exposure to a separatist cult. We'd offer you a half price TV licence but you probably don't pay for one anyway.

All Cs? 10/10.  You are indeed a proud, patriotic North Briton. Have a free TV licence.

Tally Ho! The Tories are out to trap #Team56

I'm afraid I have to disagree with the estimable Paul Kavanagh, aka Wee Ginger Dug. Paul urges that the SNP's 56 MPs should be released from the party whip and be allowed to vote with their consciences on fox hunting in England in Unleashing the dogs of woe.

As I write this, I intend to argue why this is would be a monumental mistake without getting into the argument about fox hunting per se. There is, however, one argument from those who advocate SNP MPs voting to continue the ban on hunting in England which needs to be dealt with. That argument is that hunting with dogs is so cruel and barbaric that the ability to vote on the issue trumps every other consideration, including the SNP's long-standing position of not voting on England Only issues.

First, one has to ask why are the Tories planning to bring this legislation forward before their planned English Votes for English Laws (EVEL) legislation? The interests of a few thousand hunters are more urgent than dealing with the perceived affront to millions of English folk that their laws are, in part, decided by MPs from the other 3 nations of the UK? Of course not. They're doing it now to lay a big fat trap for the SNP and for no other reason.

The Tories have plumped to lay an issue before the SNP and, with the heady mix of poor, defenceless animals and the class emnity for the largely loathsome, upper class hunters; goad the SNP into throwing off an important principle.

Even if the SNP were to contribute to a voting down of the proposed fox hunting legislation, the Tories need only to reintroduce it once the EVEL legislation is on the statue book.  So for the sake of saving a few foxes in England for a few months, the SNP would forever be open to the charge of hypocrisy. 

The SNP will have to rely on the UK Government's wholesale lack of legitimacy in Scotland and will have a tough enough time using the meagre 'constitutional' conventions to protect fundamentals such as our human rights in Scotland, without throwing away any chance of being taken seriously when pleading the relative legitimacy to legislate between the Westminster and Holyrood parliaments on saving a few foxes for a few months. In no way can legislation on fox hunting in England be argued to have any knock-on effect in Scotland, budgetary or otherwise.

That said, I see no reason whatsoever why SNP MPs should not be free to speak in debates on the legislation and seek to persuade the House of Commons, as we might well do in future with any errant neighbour. Under no circumstances should they vote.

Such an emotive issue might well be just what we need to show the English left that, if you don't want the Tories (blue or red), then you have to bother your backside to organise an alternative and vote for it at general elections.

The Turd Man

I'd have preferred the night but my contact was desperate. I'd have preferred a discreet back close in Edinburgh but my contact was holed up in Glasgow. The weather had turned and I pulled the collar of my trenchcoat up against the cold as I boarded the train at Waverley. The saloon was a sea of Separatist Saltires and Common Weal See-Saws as I slid surreptitiously into my seat and screened my face with The Saturday Scotsman. My heart pounded, but my years of training in MI6 and a bottle of statins saw me through till we slid into Queen Street.

One doesn't simply dander round to JD Wetherspoons to meet McDoughnut on a mission like this. Fortunately, Glasgow has a Rickshaw Accompaniment Service made famous when Labour Imperial Master MPs drained their public expense accounts for a 20 minute photo shoot in Buchanan Street. I hired the rickshaw man to follow me so that the humble Andrew Whitaker could be steeled with Anton Karas' zither.

I deftly avoided the 2,000 strong herd of Harridans heading to meet the Heid-Harpie on the doomed Buchanan Street steps. The skirl of separatist bagpipes and the roar of bikers for indy were luckily a distant wail as I reached the pub. With some relief I saw McDoughnut had stationed two of his heavies outside and they held the door for me as I slipped inside.

My eyes slowly adjusted to the dimly lit room. Only the 2 plates stacked Ferrero-Rocher style with pork pies and doughnuts gave away the position of the Blair lair. I remembered the pass phrase.

"The Irn Bru is particularly effervescent for the time of year."

"But we shall still bribe non-University-going teenagers with a £1,890 Irn Bru Allowance". He deftly essayed the pre-arranged respose as I wiped the spray of doughnut crumbs from my trenchcoat.

As he raised another doughnut to his mouth but stopped half way, I saw his eyes narrow. Tension mounted and hands twitched under newspapers but the heavies on the door saw off the wheelchair-bound separatist suicide bomber.

McDoughnut's sidekick McTernan handed me a half sheet of A4. It was a list of a few SNP candidates and comments which could be construed as them wishing for a second referendum at some point in the future. I remonstrated "I risked my life for this pish?" I saw I'd overstepped the mark when McTernan exploded: "Call it a fucking Secret Dossier and fuck off and print it!"

I fucked off and printed it: Secret dossier ‘lays bare SNP push for indyref', narrowly avoiding the secret (BBC®™) gathering of thousands of separatists outside.

See also Wings - I think the Nazis are pretty good.

Nicola should grant Home Rule ... to England

The Tories parked no less than 6 Nicola Sturgeon / Alec Salmond posters outside the Labour manifesto launch this morning. Now that psycho Jim Murphy's 'biggest party forms the government' lie is well and truly blown out of the water, is it time for Nicola to consider granting Home Rule to England?

England is apparently deadlocked, with Labour & Tories both polling around 32 - 34%. If the Tories win most seats in England, but the Left wins in the UK as a whole, we have the prospect of an 'arrangement' between parties to make Ed Miliband Prime Minister of the UK.

However, if Nicola were to stand by the long-established practice of SNP MPs not voting on England Only matters (or to set a very high bar for voting in such matters on the basis of the knock-on effect in Scotland), we have a very interesting prospect: A Prime Minister of the UK whose writ doesn't run for @ 85% of the population of the UK and in the very same House of Commons as he himself sits. Cameron would effectively become Prime Minister of England. It is conceivably within Nicola's power to create a Federal UK by effectively granting Home Rule not to Scotland (which she can't), but to England (which she very much could).

Jim Murphy Saviour of the Union

Probably the classiest and funniest video you've seen since 19th September 2014.

 

If this kind of stuff was on the BBC, I could almost renew my TV licence.

Demonising the Separatists - Getting Them Young

The hitherto largely RedTory and Orange Republic of North Lanarkshire has long provided a home for bigotry and Labour bullying, with parliamentary and council seats being regarded as nigh-on heritable property. However, the biscuit has now been taken. I am indebted to Am Buidheann Dubh / The Black Band (Facebook Link) for the following photos of a Primary 7 (11 year olds)  homework assignment from yesterday.

In case any readers are ready to dismiss this as a hoax (as I was tempted to do), here is the weaselly statement and unreserved apology from North Lanarkshire Council.

For non-eagle eyed readers, here is the text. 

TERRORISM AND TERROR

Case Study 1: Separatists

One example of this is NORTHERN IRELAND where the IRISH REPUBLICAN ARMY (IRA) used violence in its struggle to FREE Northern Ireland from British rule and bring about unification with the Republic of Ireland. They are known as REPUBLICANS. Other groups who wanted to remain part of Britain, the LOYALISTS, set up their own terrorism networks, such as the UDA. These organisations carried out acts of violence which cause over 3000 deaths in 30 years.

Another example of separatist terrorism is in Israel. Palestinians who live in Israel believe that it is THEIR land that is being occupied by the Israelis. Wars between Israel and Palestinians over this always ended in their defeat and so they have turned to terrorist methods for over 30 years. In 1972 eight Palestinian terrorists held nine Israeli athletes hostage at the Olympic Games in Munich. All of the hostages were killed. Most recently, terrorists have carried out SUICIDE BOMBINGS on buses and public places. They are respected by their own community as MARTYRS. A solution to this extremism is hard to find.

TERRORISM AND TERROR

Case Study: Separatists

Task

1. Which of the following are the TWO main terrorist groups in Northern Ireland?

Al Quaeda      UDA
IRA               Hamas

2.  Match the name LOYALIST or REPUBLICAN to the correct description of the group's aim.

This group want N. Ireland to remain part of the UK _____________________________

This group want N. Ireland to be united with the rest of Ireland ____________________

3.  Palestinians feel that they have the RIGHT to use terrorism against the Israelis.  Give TWO reasons why they feel this.

4.  Describe TWO examples of Palestinian terrorist activities.

Where to start? well, let's kick off with the heading. It’s about demonising the word “Separatists” and linking it to terrorism in the minds of the young, Separatist being the Unionist slang for a Yes Voter or SNP Supporter. I'm 50 so I’ve grown up with the IRA threat, I've also served in NI. Never have I heard them described as “Separatists”. Indeed, since their avowed aim is to rejoin the 32 counties from which they were separated by UK Govt diktat, it would be an utter misnomer.

An academic friend who is currently writing a PhD thesis on the history of the Troubles also pointed out that the UDA flirted with the idea of an independent Northern Ireland, so that would presumably utterly screw up the North Lanarkshire idea of who the "Separatists" were in that conflict.

Likewise the Palestinians, it takes some stretch of the imagination to describe the PLO or Hamas as “Separatists” and I note the wording in the preamble “Palestinians, who BELIEVE that it is THEIR land that is being occupied …” The whole World calls the West Bank and Gaza the Occupied Territories! The Palestinians don’t want to separate from a union with the Zionists, they want the Zionists to go back whence they came! I’ve never heard the PLO or Hamas described as “Separatists” before. 

The IRA and the PLO - probably the 2 terrorist organisations in the world who least deserve the appellation "Separatist".  This blatant propaganda has nothing to do with understanding international terrorism whatsoever and everything to do with demonising a legitimate slice of domestic Scottish public opinion.

From the logic of the preamble, all Republicans are members of the IRA, all Loyalists are members of the UDA (or similar) and all Palestinians are terrorists? As an Ex-Serviceman, I find the piece particularly galling because the state of Israel came into being after a prolonged terrorist campaign directed at the British!

Someone in North Lanarkshire deserves to be fired for this.

See Also:

STV News: Primary homework on 'Palestinian terrorists' removed after complaints